Sunday, June 25, 2006

Communication is something all of us fail at often if not alot of the time. We keep our secret crushes in our fragrance when they come near but that's all covered by underarm deodorant and essential oils.
We use outdated words that are overly connected to varying versions of familiar stories. These stories alter the meaning of our words as they reach the people we are speaking to. Our versions of the stories are not all the same.
The crushes people have on us our alluded to through conversations that rarely quite get to the point and almost never describe what people actually want.How many of us know what we actually want? Im proud of myself in that I know what I can handle and where it may differ from some desires particular portions of my brain may propel me towards at times.
My friends know varying versions of myself that change according to our relationship and my relation to myself at that particular moment. My lovers can only remain so if they keep to the script, because there are words that trigger things in the cultural psyche that are things I refuse to play with because people get hurt. And, because they signify manipulation when spoken of in ways that allow people to escape responsibility for what they are saying or conjuring up. Words are spells if you speak a spell you dont want; things you dont intend come to pass. It is important for us, especially those of us who have deep connections to the creative and spiritual realms to be especially careful in our words because they are especially powerful. Its one thing when you are going off on some random tangent about something but when you speak something intimate or when you speak in judgement or when you speak in definition it is very important to be cautious. I propose descriptive terms. We can describe in detail the way our bodies feel when we are close to someone we want terribly and its way more hot than all those old played out terms. We can describe a feeling we get when we meet our best friends new ultra-lame lover or the awesome one...our faces can say alot so that we dont have to. Of course many of my expressions can be misread, but people tend to question when it seems like an overreaction or something.
We can watch our judgements more carefully and not allow them to slip from our lips untamed.(Its good to find where inside us they are coming from before we place them on others or avoid interacting with folks in ways that make us uncomfortable, if necessary) There are ways to recognize our bullshit. All of us need to work on it.
My words could be more beautiful, I could avoid fear by diving into beauty and describing it more clearly, by being less afraid. If i speak in ways that dont align with what I am attempting to do then I want to be questioned so I can make sure my wishes are going the way I want them to, or so that I can officially disregard what I wanted knowledgeably. I don't want anything I don't want, not right now anyways. Multiple people seem to think otherwise but that's another tangent.